Wednesday, 14 September 2011

The one you feed


Grandfather was an elder Cherokee Native American who had a wrinkled, nut brown face andkind dark eyes. His grandson often came in the evening to sit on his knee and ask the many questions that children ask.
One day the grandson came to his grandfather with a look of anger on his face; the child’s anger turned to quiet tears. “Come sit, tell me what happened today”, grandfather said. “Father and I went to the store today and because I helped him, he bought me a present of a jack-knife. It was small but a good size for me.
Here the boy laid his head against his grandfather’s knee and became silent. The grandfather, softly placed his hand on the boy’s raven hair and said, “And then what happened?”
Without lifting his head, the boy said, “I went outside to wait for father and to admire my new knife in the sunlight. Some town boys came by and saw me, they got all around me and starting saying bad things. They called me dirty and stupid and said that I should not have such a fine knife. The largest of these boys pushed me back and I fell over one of the other boys. I dropped my knife and one of them snached it up and they all ran away laughing.” Here the boy’s anger returned, “I hate them. I hate them all.”
The elder Cherokee, with eyes that have seen too much, lifted his grandson’s face so his eyes looked into the boy’s face. Grandfather said, “Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those who have taken so much with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feeling many times. It is as if two wolves are inside me…. It is a terrible fight.
One wolf is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. It will only fight when it is right to do so and in the right way. This wolf stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
The other wolf is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of a temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing. This wolf represents fear, envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, lies, false pride and superiority.
Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me for both of them try to dominate my spirit. This same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person too.

The boy looked intently into his grandfather’s eyes and asked, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied….
“The one you feed."

Friday, 19 August 2011

AFRIKAANS OOM KOOS

Oom Koos van die Oos Transvaal besit sy plasie nou al vir donkiejare.
Skuins agter die bloekoms het hy destyds vir sy kinders die plaasdam in 'n swemplek omskep en goed ingerig, met piekniektafels, braaigeriewe en vrugtebome.
Een aand, so skemer se kant, besluit Oom Koos, in sy eensaamheid, om bietjie daar by die dam te gaan sit. Hy neem toe ook 'n emmer saam om 'n paar van die vrugte terug te neem huis toe.
Soos wat hy aangestap kom, hoor hy vrolike stemme gesels en giggel. Hy val plat agter 'n bos en loer deur die takke om te sien wat aangaan. Tot sy swak hart beleef hy 'n groep kaal meisies wat in die dam swem. Hy staan toe op en stap nader om die meisies te laat weet hulle betree eintlik 'n ander man se eiendom... Toe hulle hom sien, sak hulle almal laer af, sodat die water die nodige toemaak.
Een van die meisies skreeu benoud op die oom: "Ons klim nie uit voor oom nie weggaan nie!"
"Nee, nee, bedaar niggie, ek is nie hier om te kyk hoe die spulletjie van julle kaal swem nie....."
Hy hou die emmer omhoog en sĂȘ:
"Ek is net gou hier om die krokodil kos te gee.................." 

Thursday, 18 August 2011

Never mess with a women


WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST 
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
 
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
 
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
 
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet
I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
 
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN 
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
 
I know I'm not going to understand women.
 
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
 
and still be afraid of a spider.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS 
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
 balls and a ball of string on the counter. 
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
 
He answers,
 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
 
and some rolling
 papers; cause "it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. 
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.
 
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND 
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
 
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
 
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws'
WORDS 
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
 
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
 
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION 
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know
 how you can be 
so stupid and so
 beautiful all at the same time. 
'The wife
 responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful
 so you would be attracted to me;
God made me
 stupid so I would be attracted to you! !
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
 
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cook ing around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
 
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
 
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
The Silent Treatment 
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
 
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
 
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
 
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
 
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.
   He left it where he knew she would find it. 
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
 and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, 
when he noticed a piece of paper by
 the bed. 
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

A women is having s#x with her lover in an apartment 20 stories high.
Suddenly her husband returns from a long trip, and she hears him approaching in the apartment,
So she tells the lover: “do not move at all… I will resolve this situation!”
Comes the husband: “who is this?” asked the husband
Wife: “oh sweetie… this is jus a robot I bought to have s#x with when u not around, so that I don’t have to cheat with your friends or with the neighbours…
I did it because u spend all the time travelling and u know that I…uhhm… have needs!!”
Husband: “oh honey I understand perfectly well… I believe u… ok let’s do a quickie now, I came home as fast as I can and I’m extremely horny now!!”
Wife: “ OH NO DARLLING… yesterday I got my period… u better take a bath, I’ll prepare u sumthing to eat so long”
The lover is left with the husband in the room alone, while the wife walked out…
Husband: “D@mn I’m so fcken horny... I am going to fck this robot instead..” he tries entering the robot from his behind…
With a metallic and robotic voice the lover proclaims : “SYSTEM ERROR! WRONG HOLE!!… SYSTEM ERROR! WRONG HOLE!!”
The husband says: “fck this crappy robot… I’m going to throw it out of the god d@mn window!!” the lover realises that he’s 20 stories high in the apartment and exclaims:
“SOFTWARE UPDATE!!!! SOFTWARE UPDATE!!!! U MAY TRY AGAIN… I REPEAT… TRY AGAIN!!!”