Wense

'n Aantreklike boerseun sit by die kroeg.  Hy suip die een

whiskey na die ander en tjank soos 'n baba.

 

"Wat's fout?" wil die barman weet..

 

"Ek het gister daar op die plaas op my perd gery, toe kom

ek af op 'n pofadder in die middel van die pad." vertel hy.

 

"Toe ek my rollie uithaal om hom vrek te skiet, toe begin die

pofadder met my praat. Hy sê toe hy is 'n towerpofadder en

as ek hom uitlos, dan gee hy my drie wense."

 

"Sjoe", sê die barman. "Waarvoor wens jy toe?"

 

"Ek wens toe ek is so aantreklik soos Bobby van Jaarsveld, so goed

gebou soos Brian Habana en so bedeeld soos die perd waarop ek ry!"

 

"Nou maar toe!" sê die barman. "Waarvoor tjank jy dan so?"

 

"Toe ek by die huis kom, kyk ek in die spieël en sien ek is deksels

aantreklik. Toe ek my hemp uittrek toe sien ek ek is gebou om te hou.

Maar toe ek my broek uittrek, toe onthou ek ek het met die merrie

gery!!"

Friends

Neighbors got a new pool

 Neighbors got a new pool, invited us over, dunno whether to intrude or not......

Nuwe Afrikaanse flieks

Elephant drama

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from the University of Toronto .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Toronto Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legsand slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

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Wondering WHY?? Its shocking!!! 

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It Probably wasn’t the same f…..g elephant.  )

TO CUTE

Die een net vir mense wat Afrikaans magtig is!

Vir die ou hoesie in die kerk

Op 'n plattelandse dorp (Schlip) waar die inwoners hoofsaaklilk

Afrikaans magtig is en gedurende 'n wintermaand toe verkoue erg in die

omloop was, was die predikant baie omgekrap dat sy aandag gedurende

eredienste onderbreek word deur gemeentelede se hoesbuie.

Hy bespreek toe die probleem om 'n oplossing te vind met sy koster wat

Engelssprekend is... seker die enigste in die dorp. Die koster gaan

Koop toe 'n groot bottel hoesstroop by die apteek.

Die volgende Sondag as iemand hoes, staan die koster op en gaan gee vir

die persoon 'n lepel hoesstroop in en sê vir hom iets in sy oor waarna

Die persoon opstaan en uit loop. So hou dit aan en die kerk is later  byna

leeg.

Na die diens vra die dominee vir die koster wat hy dan vir  die mense

gesê het dat hy later vir 'n byna leë kerk moes preek.

Nee sê die koster, ek het net vir hulle gesê, "For cough".

This made me think....

An unemployed graduate woke up one morning and checked his pocket. All he had left was R20,00. He decided to use it to buy food and then wait for death as he was too proud to go begging. He was frustrated as he could find no job, and nobody was ready to help him.

He bought food and as he sat down to eat, an old man and two little children came along and asked him to help them with food as they had not eaten for almost a week.

He looked at them. They were so lean that he could see their bones coming out. Their eyes had gone into the socket.

With the last bit of compassion he had, he gave them the food. The old man and children prayed that God would bless and prosper him and then gave him a very old coin.

The young graduate said to them "you need the prayer more than I do".

With no money, no job, no food, the young graduate went under the bridge to rest and wait for death. As he was about to sleep, he saw an old newspaper on the ground. He picked it up, and suddenly he saw an advertisement for people with old coins to come to a certain address.

He decided to go there with the old coin the old man gave him.

On getting to the place, he gave the proprietor the coin. The proprietor screamed, brought out a big book and showed the young graduate a photograph.

This

same old coin was worth 3 million rand. The young graduate was overjoyed as the proprietor gave him a bank cheque for 3 million rand within an hour.

He collected the Bank cheque and went in search of the old man and little

children.

By the time he got to where he left them eating, they had gone. He asked the

owner of the canteen if he knew them. He said no but they left a note for

you.

He quickly opened the note thinking it would lead him to find them.

This is what the note said: "You gave us your all and we have rewarded you

back with the coin" Signed God the Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost. 1

Kings 17:10-16; Matthew 11:28-30

Have you given all to Jesus Christ? If you haven't, do so today and he will

surprise you.

Here is your financial blessing! It's a simple prayer, you've got 30

seconds.

PRAYER:

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to You that You

abundantly Bless my family and me. 

I know that You recognize, that a family is more than just a mother, father,

sister, brother, husband and wife, but all Who believe and trust in you.

Father, I send up a prayer request for financial blessing for not only the

person who sent this to me, but for Me and all that I have forwarded this

message on to. And that the power of joined prayer by those who believe and

trust in You is more powerful than anything.

I thank You in advance for your blessings.

Father God, deliver the person reading this right now and those who will

read it in the near future from debt and debt burdens. 

Release Your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward over all that You

have given me Father, for I know how wonderful and mighty You are and how,

if we just

obey You and walk in Your word and have the faith of a Mustard seed, that

You will pour out blessings.

I thank You now Lord for the recent blessings I have received and for the

blessings yet to come Because I know You are not done with me yet.

In Jesus name, I pray,

 Amen

SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS .

YOU ARE BLESSED...

Why dragons are extinct

It is so good when somebody waits for you at home…

Mills and Boon Classic - The Storm

They  were together in the House.

Just  the two of  them.

It  was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had  come quickly

and

each  time the thunder boomed he watched her  jump.

She  looked across the room and admired his  strong
appearance....and  wished that he would take her in  his
arms, comfort her and  protect her from the  storm

Suddenly,  with a pop, the power went out.... She  screamed..

He  raced to the sofa where she was  cowering.

He  didn't hesitate to pull her into his  arms..

He  knew this was a forbidden union and expected her  to pull  back.

He was  surprised when she didn't resist but instead  clung to  him.

The  storm raged  on.... 

They  knew it was  wrong...

Their families would  never understand... So consumed were

they  in their FEAR that they heard no opening of  doors...

just  the faint click of a camera.......  
 

Spinnekoppe

Ek weet nou nie hoe jy oor spinnekoppe voel ni maar ek ry eerder n fiets sonder 'n saal voor ek een konfronteer.

Ja, gisteraand le ek rustig en lees, minding my own business. bedlampie brand baie domesticated en sag met die complimente van Cash Crusaders, toe ek so 'n sagte geskarrel in die kamer hoor. Ek dog toe eers dis die mot wat wil selfmoord pleeg teen die bedlamp se bulpie. kyk, nee, mot se kind sit so stil soos 'n pedigree foksterrier wat razorblades skuit.

Toe is die skuifelgeluid weer daar en ek skrik alles regop wat plat was en alles pap wat op was.

'N ontaardse gedrog van 'n spinnekop met W.P. rugbykouse en wat as weltergewig kan inweeg, toer teen 8000 reffs oor die vloer en spring sommer so met die laaikassie se handles op.

Op slag kak ek my beste linne in 'n herfskleur skakering in. Lyk of iemand my bed kapoenkleur, so tussen kak en pampoen, gespraypaint het. Ek moer alles, boek, bedlam, asbak, glas, die hele toetie, tot op die laaste vlak van die kamer, die vloer.

Ek skrik my enigste aambui dat hy op my kuite hang. nou is die moerse spider nog tussen my en die kombuis, waar ek, omdat hulle my so deur die jare gemolesteer het, 'n arsenal van doom vergader het. Nou weet ek, ek sal flat out moet hol vir daai doom.

Ek pluk my enigste half-nat jockey aan sodat die aambui my nie pooitjie nie. Toe trek ek weg kombuis toe dat die briekmerke soos n straatkaart in my jockey vergader. en ek 10 sekondes later by die kombuisdeur moet backpaddel om nie twee agterdeure te hê nie.

Lord of the dance se gat my bra!

Trug, daar sit die bliksem nog, sommer so met die briektrek spuit ek al. gelukkig net doom.osoonlaag en als se moer, spuit hom leeg!!!

Ek duik my harige vriend soos ryk neetling agter die bedkassie in. Moer toe moet hy wees na daai dubbel doom en strontreuk wat nou dikker as toffee in die kamer hang.

Ek trek die kassie bietjie vorentoe, skiem nog so ek het gewen, toe skielik hol daai 4 weel van 'n aardsgedrog teen die muur op, reg voor my oë verby, tot op kophoogte.

Agt oë soos beetle weelkaps kyk my vierkantig in my twee ogies. Nou is dit nag. Ek verlaat myself, my water breek, my knieë swik, my longe loop leeg, my lippe parteer van mekaar.

Ek beskuie my weer sonder enema. 'N kreet verlaat my binneste, ontsnap oor my trillende lippe. Dis toe die klanke wat Black Sabbath na die draakensberg seunskoor laat klink. Dit was maar ook spaaiderman se laaste asem, want net daarna los hy als en kom skeef-skeef grond toe, soos fisant stront in vlug.

Al retererende het ek en doom die veldslag gewen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boere chick: "I'm so in laf wiff my Blackberry Pa!!"

Father: "Jy's fokken mal! There are NO way you are dating a black guy! U tell Barry its fokken over!"

Neelsie